MY FUNERAL TRIBUTE TO MICHAEL

We lost a big player last week when our dear pal Michael Orbany lost his battle to cancer at only nine years old. I'm still having a difficult time with his passing.

I was fortunate to have the opportunity to share a few words at his funeral. I have to be honest, I've been hesitant to share them. I do not want this at all to become about me and something I said. But the response I received from the few minute speech that I shared has blown me away. It's only validation that the words must have come out right. So after a few days of fighting with myself, I decided to share because for whatever reason, these words hit people. Someone else may need to hear them.

I want to also take this time to say to all of Big Mike's fans that this wasn't just a cause that we got behind. This was an incredible kid with an incredible family.  The journey is only going to get tougher now in his absence. Let us continue to wrap our faith and love around this family, maybe even more so. They're going to need it.

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Coach Theo's Funeral Tribute to Michael Orbany
May 6, 2014

Good morning, I’m Coach Theo and I’ve had the distinct pleasure to get to know Michael over the last few years.  I’ve had some really cool moments with him and like many of you will agree, any moment hanging out with this little guy was a BIG moment.

A little boy asked me one time, “Coach Theo, if there is a God, why would He let bad things happen to people?”

I understand his frustration and have to be honest, I share it right now. I have a hard time coming to grips with the fact that I’m standing at a 9 year old boy’s funeral. It’s not fair. I don’t get it. My mind can’t wrap around it. No parent should ever have to outlive their child. So I stand up here resentful towards cancer---the destruction it causes, the pain it brings, and the innocent childhood it just stole.

But if I keep my heart there, I’ll miss the opportunity to enjoy this service, and celebrate the life of an amazing boy---the vitality he brought to so many, and the impact that he created in just 9 short years on this earth---way more than I will ever create in an entire lifetime.

So I prayed all weekend. I changed my perspective. And it’s so bittersweet.  I ache that he physically left us on this earth, but rejoice in the fact he now sits at the right hand of Jesus. My faith tells me he is in a better place, and I firmly believe that.

N.E.G.U.  When I first saw this acronym I had no clue what it meant. I actually thought it just was another brand of LEGOS that I know Michael loved so much, considering that it was a caption to a picture of him at Lego land, playing with Legos. When I learned the words were NEVER EVER GIVE UP, they resonated so hard with me b/c that’s what Michael embodied.  He had such endurance.

I thought I had some endurance when I ran with Michael for 4 miles in a race last spring. I pushed him in a stroller that was by no means meant for running by the way!  I cringed because I knew I was giving the poor kid motion sickness, but you know he would never tell me that. Every time I stopped and said “Michael are you ok?” With his sweet little voice he answered, “yes I am.” I thought it would be my endurance that would pull us through the finish but I quickly learned that it may have been my legs that moved us through the course, but it was his spirit that pulled us. Close to the end I said, “Michael, do you want to run rocket style?”  And again with that gentle soft voice---“let’s do it!”

What an incredible moment that truly changed my life. I always said I didn’t take life for granted but when I left that race, I really meant it.

How could this boy create so much impact? Thousands of people followed him and his story on Facebook and his blog.  He mobilized a community. My kids from other schools knew him. I was at a speech in Akron and some guys knew who he was. He broke the walls down of a high school rivalry!  St. Ignatius and St Edwards’ basketball teams came together at his head-shaving St. Baldrick’s event a few weeks ago and dropped the colors they were wearing, to join forces for the cause.

What made this kid so special was his HEART, his unending FAITH, his RELENTLESS SMILE, that he would shine brightly even at the numerous events with a mob of people who wanted his attention, he handled the draining celebrity status so well. And even when you would go up to him and put your arm around him and say “Hi Michael, how are you,” in that sweet little voice he would always respond graciously.  That’s what made this boy so special. Thank you Michael for infusing your energy into all of us.

Thank you to this community for rising up when called to action. It doesn’t stop here though.  Let us not leave here the same people.  We have to continue to fight, and support this family and every other family out there affected by this disease. We must never ever give up, like Michael never did.

Thank you to the Orbany family for letting us into your lives and on this journey with you, and for showing us what it means to be a FAMILY. For showing us how to be strong through such adversity. For being an example to all of us.

And I want to especially say thank you to Matt. At a young age when you need attention and support through tough teenage years you were the BEST BIG BROTHER. I watched you at events and at the carnival in the backyard, anytime I saw you, you were with Michael, arm around him, holding his hand, being there for him. You lived the ITS NOT ABOUT ME attitude and never doubt the influence your character has had on this 31 year old man, and I guarantee so many others.

I end with words that my 4yr old Giovanni said this past week when we found out about Michael. We were at my kids group at the gym and I said “Hey Gio, will you tell these guys what happened to our buddy Michael today?” And with nothing but joy and certainty and pure confidence, he said this:

“Michael was sick and had cancer.
He was at home with his mom Georgianne.
He couldn’t see, he couldn’t hear, and he couldn’t play no more.
But now he is in heaven.
And he can see again. He can hear again. And he’s playing with God.”

The faith of a child.

So to that little boy who asked me “if there is a god, then why does he let bad things happen”…..

My answer is this….

God doesn’t let bad things happen to people. He wept for Michael. He weeps for this family right now.

BECAUSE there is a God, he took Michael back.  So he can play again. Because that’s what every little boy deserves to do.

I have 10,000 reasons to thank you Michael…

And my prayer is that I could be even half of the game-changer that you were, are, and always will be.

Amen.

HOW MY DAUGHTER IS MAKING ME A BETTER HUSBAND

HOW MY DAUGHTER IS MAKING ME A BETTER HUSBAND

Having a daughter is teaching me a lot about my wife. I’m seeing that women truly are completely different than we are, from day one. Their wiring is different, their needs are different, and consequently, my response and interactions with them have to be different.

Here are some things that I’m learning from Alana that will hopefully help me treat my wife better:

1. BE SLOW TO SPEAK AND QUICK TO HOLD.

When my baby girl is crying she just needs me to hold her. No words needed Theo. She just wants you to comfort her. Listen and don't always worry about trying to figure out an answer. Gio was pretty chill and relaxed as a baby. I can't put Alana down for a few minutes before she's cranking for her daddy or mommy. Sitting in my lap, facing away is how it has to be. Why? Doesn't matter. Just do it because she wants it that way. 

2. WHEN SHE'S UPSET, GIVE HER FOOD.

Sugar lows can cause drastic changes in her behavior. Don’t take it personal.  They will say things and do things that they don't mean. I once stuck a peppermint patty in Amber's mouth when she was having a meltdown. Today I put a bottle in Alana's. Both immediately calmed down.

3. IF SHE DOESN'T WANT THE OATMEAL, GIVE HER THE FRIGGIN' APPLES.

I used to argue with Gio, "You need this oatmeal. It will give you strong muscles and keep you healthy." When Alana was fussing this morning about the consistency of her cereal, "Ok. Just eat the apples then honey." My Uncle Dick once told me, "You can either be happy or right in your marriage. I'd choose to be happy." Looks like girls deserve their way. Period. 

4. SHE DOESN'T NEED TO TOUGHEN UP.
I feel bad for the all the times that I tell Amber to toughen up. To a point it's needed. Of course I want her and Alana to be strong and not take things so personal, so they can be more resilient to what the world throws at them.  But no, they don't need to be mentally tougher. They don't have to suck it up. I am not going to expect them to quit being so emotional. That's their genetic make-up and why they're so empathetic and such great care-takers. (By the way, I'm not saying women aren't strong. I'm saying I'm dropping my wrestling mentality of expecting them to respond like a renegade warrior.) Unless I can handle the hormones like they do, then I need to check myself before I wreck myself.

5. MAYBE IT'S ALL ABOUT HER?

In Gio’s book Conversations With Gio, I tell him that in and out of the house, it’s never about him. But for Alana, I think it’s different---while in this house at least. She gets what she wants, when she wants, and how she wants it. I have no problem with putting her on a pedestal and treating her like royalty. Why won't I do the same with my wife?  

It's funny, I said Gio was the biggest life-changer. When Alana was born, I wondered how she could possibly change me even more.

Well, I'm starting to see the possibilities each day.

Looks like it's time to start writing Conversations With Alana.

It may just be an absolute game-changer.

But I think I'll be calling in the wifey for some assistance!

It's not about me.

Coach Theo

DANG YOU THIN MINTS: HOW I WON'T LET YOU WIN

It was a stare down between me and the box of cookies. These delicatessens arrived a few days earlier, along with three friends: Tagalongs, Samoas, and Savannah Smiles.  Those weren't a big deal. I broke and ate some, but I bounced back quickly. I wasn’t going break again today.  I refused to let this green box win.

I put the thin mints back in the cabinet, but then I got them out again. I walked around the living room trying to stay busy with the kids, but then I went back into the kitchen. They were there, in the house, a few feet away, and my mind knew that.  The sweat broke out, the frustration kicked in. “I don’t need them right now. But just one isn't going to hurt.”

If a trainer tells you they never eat junk food, they’re lying, or they’re not human. And you ever think that I could eat whatever I want just because I’m a trainer or because of this so-called high-metabolism that everyone talks about but in reality does not exist, then you’re mistaken. I have to work hard and be strict. But since we had the baby four months ago, I haven’t been.   So after my war with the chocolate covered crack wafers, I had to sit down and re-visit the basics.

HERE ARE THREE THINGS YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER WHEN TRYING TO EAT BETTER:

I. THERE CAN BE NO GREY AREA.
Generally, you have to make your goals black and white, leaving no room for interpretation. If you give yourself any wiggle room, you know what happens. You’ll keep going there because “I’m allowed.” “I told myself I can have one slice.” “A can of pop isn’t going to make me fat.” While in the literal sense, these statements are true. Our mind doesn’t process things the same.  You give it an inch, and it will take seven more.

So you do have to be more concrete sometimes.  I say sometimes because you may have a handle on certain foods better than others. Maybe you can have a slice of pizza and not want the whole pie. But for others, you’ll have to stay completely away.  I can’t just have five thin mints. It’s either eat the entire log, or don’t eat them at all. There’s no meeting in the middle.

MY ACTION STEP: I'M GOING TO EAT 5 THIN MINTS AND THEN THROW THE BOX AWAY.   

II.  STOP SAYING THE M-WORD
What is moderation? It's a vague word that leaves you directionless. Even Webster's doesn't know how to define it: "the quality of being moderate; restraint; avoidance of extremes or excesses; temperance." But what is extreme?

The problem with this word is it’s all relative. My moderation is different than yours, and someone else’s is different than mine. Trust me, I've used this word far too many times before and I'm guilty as charged. I'm watching how I use it now.

I may consider moderation one time a week; you may consider it once a day.  My moderation may be a cup, yours may be two bowls.  Again you have to be clear and direct here. Yes, life is short and you do have to enjoy it by indulging in the wonderfully, masterfully created, make you chase that first high every time you eat just one bite thin mints every once in awhile.  But when and where and how much?

MY ACTION STEP: I WILL EAT A LOG OF THIN MINTS ON FRIDAY NIGHT FOR MY SPLURGE DESSERT. 

III.  WILL POWER IS NOT ENOUGH
I tried putting the thin mints in the freezer. Guess what I soon found out?  They taste even better frozen! That didn't work.  You know what does? Don't bring them into the house in the first place. We always say, IF YOU DON'T BUY IT YOU WON'T EAT IT.

But I can't say no to a sweet, little, innocent girl trying to raise money for her girl scout troop. So my new tactic is either buy the cookies and give them to someone else----terrible, I know. Or give the girl scouts the money and tell them to keep the cookies. Or......

MY ACTION STEP: BRING THEM INTO THE HOUSE ONLY WHEN IT'S TIME TO EAT THEM.

You think you have enough will power? I dare you to say no when the pharmaceutical sales rep brings a tray of cheesy covered lasagna, alongside a three-layer cheesecake next time you're in the employee's lounge.  I dare you to go into a buffet and only eat from the salad bar. I double dog dare you to eat just one thin mint.

Ok, it can happen, but it's RARE, SHORT-LIVED, and NOT CONSISTENT.

All I'm saying is you for a certain period of time and to an extent, you have to SHAPE YOUR PATH AND ENVIRONMENT as much as you can, when you're trying to EAT BETTER. 

After an hour stare down, I beat the thin mints.  I put them back in the freezer and went about my day.

But then I came home later.....

And smashed them.

I lost the battle because they were still in my house.

The second box got tossed real fast.

#JUSTKEEPINGITREAL

Life is not about me. 

Coach Theo

FROM OUR BACKYARD TO SOLD OUT, THE FMU STORY NOT MANY KNOW

I left my 9:30am workout today after working out with a bunch of awesome ladies. On the way home I reflected; what a life. Not just because I worked out with fifteen women, but because I’m leaving our gym, to go home with the family for lunch, to come back this afternoon and hang with 15 awesome little kids, then 10 of my big kids, then another group of fantastic adults, then one of my favorite private training clients ever, to cap off the night.

Business has been booming lately.  My kid’s camps have been sold out all school year.  Three out of four of our summer camps are already sold out.  Now some of our adult classes are selling out too.

It’s hard to believe that only a little over four years ago we started in our backyard.

Three kids.

An empty field.

Some speed cones.

The country was in a recession.  The unemployment rate was skyrocketing. People were begging for jobs.

We leapt.

We went two months without a dime coming in.

We emptied our savings account.

I worked at a car wash.

Food stamps saved us for two months.

Other than that, we never borrowed a DIME. Never took out a loan. Never charged a credit card.  

I’m not writing this article to glorify our story. I’m writing it to encourage you to start writing yours.  If we can do it, anyone can.

Here are some things we've learned along the way that may help:

1. STOP DREAMING AND TAKE ACTION ALREADY.

Dream big. Draw up ideas. Map out your vision. But eventually you need to start taking steps.  You can't sit back and wait for your dreams to come true----you need to make them come true.  One of my favorite sayings is "WHEN CALLED, FOLLOW."  Amber and I felt the nudge and we kept seeing the signs. It came down to wanting to write a story to Gio.  If we're going to tell him to take risks and follow his passion, then we need to live that out by example as well. We ate dinner with our friends one evening and told them about our idea. Amber looked at me and said, "No more waiting Theo. You can leave your job now. Let's do it."  Well, obviously you know who wears the pants in this relationship.  

2. WHEN SOMETHING IS THAT IMPORTANT, YOU CAN'T GIVE UP.
Life isn't always sunshine and rainbows (Rocky Balboa).  Of course it's going to be hard. You will hit road blocks. No one said it would be easy.  But when life gives you lemons, you need to eat them and keep plowing forward. I remember sitting on my porch step on a warm fall day in October. Are you kidding me?  A Master’s Degree. An assistant director of an organization. An ex-division I college wrestler.  Now I'm broke as a joke and not sure where the next penny is coming from.  I've got a 6-month old relying on me. My wife must think I'm a loser. All those haters will be right.  What the hell did I do?

And then, at that moment, still and calm with no one around, one of the most convicting messages came: "This is where true faith lies. You can't see.  You don't know. You have doubt. And even though you can go do something else and get your family back to a comfortable level again, you can't take the easy way out. You need to do this. If you trust, you will."

No matter how difficult something is, if it means that much to you and others and most importantly, you believe you're supposed to do it, YOU CAN'T GIVE UP.

3. IT'S NOT ABOUT GETTING WHAT YOU WANT, IT'S ABOUT PROVIDING OTHERS WITH WHAT THEY NEED.

I'm done with the messages of working hard so you can play harder. It's not about building a business so you can earn more for yourself.  I can't stand these pyramid scheme businesses that always play with your emotions by promising you the reality of a BMW, a trip to the Bahamas, more monthly income so you can enjoy everything you want in life.  I call BS. If that's why you're building a business, then you're in it for the wrong reasons.  Even if you end up making lots of money, you're missing out on way more important riches.

I've heard from many people lately that they love FMU because it's their place to escape, reprieve, and release.  Someone recently said it's a positive place that gives them an entirely different outlook on life.  My kids---I see and hear what they're surrounded by, they need this outlet.  And their smiles and energy levels while their with us say everything.  

FMU is not just about fitness and training; it's about belonging to a community of people that will help, encourage, and inspire each other to become better people inside and out.  Of course Amber and I need to make a living, but we're more concerned with providing a fresh, supportive, and positive environment that people need, which will more importantly, make some memories. 

SOLD OUT programs doesn't necessarily mean much other than our programs are sold out. Don't think I'm painting the picture here that we're some highly successful business owners making a lot of money.  (Last year's AGI was $55,000.  I'm guessing it will be a little more this year, although adding the new $3,000 overhead doesn't help too much.)

I'm also not saying that we do anything special.  Maybe SOLD OUT doesn't necessarily mean that people like us any more---it could just mean that more people don't want to work out on their own, and are finding us now.  Maybe they think we know what we're doing or something.  Maybe all my kids just love to play dodgeball after their workout.

Whatever the case....

I will NEVER FORGET WHERE WE CAME FROM.

I will NEVER FORGET WHO BROUGHT US HERE.

I will NEVER THINK IT'S ABOUT ME.

I will ALWAYS REMEMBER IT'S ABOUT THEM.

And at night, I rest in peace knowing that I do what I love and I love what I do.  I'm paving a path for my children to follow.  I'm honoring God by listening to His call.  And even if I create some impact in at least one person out there....then it's all worth it.

That right there, is something that no dollar amount could ever provide.

What a life.

It's time to keep leaping.

Life is not about me,

Coach Theo

WHY YOU SHOULDN'T SEEK SORENESS

I like to follow themes before I post a blog. Lately the theme around me has been SORENESS.

Here’s what I’ve been hearing:

“I like being sore because it means I had a tough workout.”

“I'm not getting sore anymore, am I not working hard enough?”

“When I get sore, I know I'm getting results.”

We all like that sore feeling. Something about it makes us feel good. I used to use my soreness as a measurement of a successful workout. In fact, I used to say that I didn't deserve true relaxation until my entire body was sore head to toe from an extreme event. Ridiculous may be the term for that.

But what really triggered me to post this was hearing some of my middle school YOUTH talk about how they like to be sore because it means they had a good workout.  If they think that, then you know adults think that, because that’s most likely where the misinformation is trickling down from.

So I just want to make sure I do my part and emphasize that: SORENESS DOES NOT EQUAL EFFECTIVENESS.

We could pull some research here to prove it, but let’s just fall back on common sense.

1. My back was sore from shoveling snow for ten minutes.

2. Amber was sore in her arm from playing dodgeball this week.

3. I was extremely sore from doing 1000 pull-ups.

I wouldn’t consider any of the above an “effective” workout.  Soreness doesn’t necessarily mean too much other than, YOU DID SOMETHING YOUR BODY WASN’T USED TO.

Wonder if I told you instead of chasing soreness, to chase the opposite---not being sore?  The goal really, when seeking phenomenal shape and conditioning, is to do just that.  Then you can perform better in subsequent workouts and not have to sit out for a few days because you can't move. It’s a good sign to not be sore because it means you’re conditioning your body right and you're getting in better shape.  

Ways to Reduce Soreness:

1. Active Warm-up.

2. Foam roll before and after your workouts.

3. Hydrate adequately.

4. 7-8 hours of sleep each night.

5. Quality before, during, and after workout nutrition.
6. Increase reps and loads gradually and progressively.
7. Be CONSISTENT.

I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to be sore.  It’s going to happen. You’ll probably notice that you feel it more after the first week of a new routine.  You may feel light soreness after the second week. But by the third, you may not feel much at all.  This is because you built your body up right and now your muscles are used to the regimen.

I just want you to look at soreness differently.  You shouldn't seek it as a determinant of quality workout. I don't want you to think that if you're not sore then you're not doing things right. I really don't want you to become one of those people who bounce around from workout to workout, gym to gym, infomercial to infomercial, looking for the right potion. Then you may start doing some crazy, extreme stuff that does no good for you in the long run.

Your mind has a lot of power over your results. Understand and BELIEVE in what you're doing and why you're doing it and it will benefit you greatly.

PERCEPTION. Once it changes so does your life. 

And your workouts.

Life is not about me,
Coach Theo