Having a daughter is teaching me a lot about my wife. I’m seeing that women truly are completely different than we
are, from day one. Their wiring is different, their needs are different, and
consequently, my response and interactions with them have to be different.
Here are some things that I’m learning from Alana that will hopefully help me treat my wife better:
1. BE SLOW TO SPEAK AND QUICK TO HOLD.
When my baby girl is crying she just needs me to hold her. No words needed Theo. She just wants you to comfort her. Listen and don't always worry about trying to figure out an answer. Gio was pretty chill and relaxed as a baby. I can't put Alana down for a few minutes before she's cranking for her daddy or mommy. Sitting in my lap, facing away is how it has to be. Why? Doesn't matter. Just do it because she wants it that way.
2. WHEN SHE'S UPSET, GIVE HER FOOD.
Sugar lows can cause
drastic changes in her behavior. Don’t take it personal. They will say things and do things that they don't mean. I once stuck a peppermint patty in Amber's mouth when she was having a meltdown. Today I put a bottle in Alana's. Both immediately calmed down.
3. IF SHE DOESN'T WANT THE OATMEAL, GIVE HER THE FRIGGIN' APPLES.
I used to argue with Gio, "You need this oatmeal. It will give you strong muscles and keep you healthy." When Alana was fussing this morning about the consistency of her cereal, "Ok. Just eat the apples then honey." My Uncle Dick once told me, "You can either be happy or right in your marriage. I'd choose to be happy." Looks like girls deserve their way. Period.
4. SHE DOESN'T NEED TO TOUGHEN UP.
I feel bad for the all the times that I tell Amber to toughen up. To a point it's needed. Of course I want her and Alana to be strong and not take things so personal, so they can be more resilient to what the world throws at them. But no, they don't need to be mentally tougher. They don't have to suck it up. I am not going to expect them to quit being so emotional. That's their genetic make-up and why they're so empathetic and such great care-takers. (By the way, I'm not saying women aren't strong. I'm saying I'm dropping my wrestling mentality of expecting them to respond like a renegade warrior.) Unless I can handle the hormones like they do, then I need to check myself before I wreck myself.
I feel bad for the all the times that I tell Amber to toughen up. To a point it's needed. Of course I want her and Alana to be strong and not take things so personal, so they can be more resilient to what the world throws at them. But no, they don't need to be mentally tougher. They don't have to suck it up. I am not going to expect them to quit being so emotional. That's their genetic make-up and why they're so empathetic and such great care-takers. (By the way, I'm not saying women aren't strong. I'm saying I'm dropping my wrestling mentality of expecting them to respond like a renegade warrior.) Unless I can handle the hormones like they do, then I need to check myself before I wreck myself.
5. MAYBE IT'S ALL ABOUT HER?
In Gio’s book Conversations With Gio, I tell him that in and out of the house,
it’s never about him. But for Alana, I think it’s different---while in this house at least. She gets what she wants, when she wants, and how she wants it. I have no problem with putting her on a pedestal and treating her like royalty. Why won't I do the same with my wife?
It's funny, I said Gio was the biggest life-changer. When Alana was born, I wondered how she could possibly change me even more.
Well, I'm starting to see the possibilities each day.
Looks like it's time to start writing Conversations With Alana.
It may just be an absolute game-changer.
But I think I'll be calling in the wifey for some assistance!
It's not about me.
Coach Theo
Awesome, I wish more people understood things in this way.
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